this fire burns, wasted
wasted time

dreams cast into the shadow, lost

can't count anymore
no solid ground anymore

my feet slipping
my mind sleeping

escape leaves way to get away

and fool me into believing

Not good enough..

why must i always feel i'm not good enough for you...
every other day, some girl comes along and takes away
my humour,
my generostiy
my kindness
and my love

my pretty
my funny

everything we have in common becomes meaningless
because i'm not pretty enough
not rich enough
not young enough...

not exotic enough
not interesting enough for you....

today..

I've felt that very deep, soulful connection with someone who unfortunately doesn't see it at all i've finally learned after 3 and half years of knowing ((( i thought he felt it too, it seemed that way, our lives coming together, however, i was mistaken))) - its led me to put barriers up and resist what i feel, which is sometimes confusing and painful for me - the only conclusion i can see at this point in time, is that Spirit has brought us together in this life for me to be a helper, but to keep my emotional distance while he works some things out; perhaps if we meet in a future lifetime he will be ready for the blissful, loving, non-judgemental connection i see us in ? -- i've asked for guidance so many times to help me while i learn this -- i've been very close to just ending the friendship lately because its so painful, but then i have some hours of peace/understanding/togetherness within it which seem to make the pain "worthwhile"..

i just don't know where i stand anymore

i just don't know where i stand anymore

 its like being on the edge of an abyss wondering if i'm going to fall in and be burned alive

the edge is hot and slippery, and i'm so tired as i cautiously walk around it

stuck in place, afraid to take a step in any direction

afraid to be myself
afraid to not be myself

afraid to scream
afraid to not scream

afraid the scream is stuck in indifferent silence

complicated, messy

complicated, messy i am
passionate, and full of life, i am

dancing, dreaming, over the top and bleeding
alive and awake, she cries in her dreams
screaming

screaming to be heard, would you hear me
would you see me
would you believe me

alone, at the edge of a discovery, see
wise and wide awake when dreaming, see
the fire in a storm
the tempest in a calm
the water quenching a dream
which cannot be seen

Remember when you cried and held me so tight while

we were listening to this?

Elvis Presley – The Wonder Of You Lyrics

When no-one else can understand me
When everything I do is wrong
You give me hope and consolation
You give me strength to carry on
And you're always there to lend a hand
In everything I do
That's the wonder
The wonder of you
And when you smile the world is brighter
You touch my hand and I'm a king
Your kiss to me is worth a fortune
Your love for me is everything
I'll guess I'll never know the reason why
You love me as you do
That's the wonder
The wonder of you

 

 

AND this one too:

 

Elvis Presley – And I Love You So Lyrics

And I love you so
People ask me how
How I've lived 'til now
I tell them I don't know
I guess they understand
How lonely life has been
But life began again
The day you took my hand

And yes I know how lonely life can be
The shadows follow me
And the night won't set me free
But I don't let the evening get me down
Now that you're around me

And you love me too
Your thoughts are just for me
You set my spirit free
And I'm happy that you do

The book of life is brief
And once a page is read
All but love is dead
That is my belief

And yes I know how loveless life can be
The shadows follow me
And the night won't set me free
But I don't let the evening bring me down
Now that you're around me  

--------------------------------------------------------------

and now i know you were crying for her, and not me.....how silly i have been to believe you -- how could you use me like that?

Thanks for reminding me

Reminding  me of my limitations, and why i'm not desirable and lovable.
And when i slip up, and temporarily think you care for me, thanks for slapping me in the face and reminding me how repulsive i am

How to Undo nearly 4 years of facebook posts

first you need to be awake in the middle of the night wondering what the hell you thought you were doing falling for this stupid illusion

and then you go through your own timeline and delete every "like" and every "post" and every "comment" you ever posted on your fake friends profile the last 4 years

this is going to take several of these nights

so mad at myself for being such an idiot and falling for your lies

Damn, i'm sick of these stinky boots....

yeah, its a jim morrison quote... jim and i are kindred spirits, who  feel too much and hurt too much, and sometimes drink to escape the pain for an evening

right now i am feeling too much, and hurting too much

i am sick of giving to someone who doesn't care about my feelings
someone who pretends to be my friend, but when it comes down to it, really isn't

lies to me, and discards me repeatedly
and i keep forgiving...and keep forgiving....like a goddam idiot

i can't trust you anymore, but i do anyway

damn Mother Theresa and her "Do it anyway" thing...
damn these people who say you attract what you put out there!
i gave you unconditional love, no control, no ownership, no bullshit
i've given you a home, a firm foundation, space to flourish, food, clothes, art supplies, beer

and my busted up, bruised heart


you think that i think you're using me

that never crosses my mind -- i thought i was giving you a home, a family, a firm foundation, friendship, love

but you think you're using me
so maybe you are